This is a scary place.
I’m in fear because I’ve convinced a mate of mine to attend the next Sydney New Warrior Training Adventure in five days’ time. After a year or so of talking to him about the project and what I got from the weekend, he has bitten the bullet and decided to come.
First thing I felt was unabated joy.
What was that about? I guess a part of me felt validated. A year ago I had an experience I judged to be an incredible gift and as a result I wanted other men I knew to go and get what I got. Because the content of the weekend is confidential, all I could really pass on was to say what happened for me inside; how the weekend and the men there had challenged and supported me to ask the hard questions, and to affirm my honest answers, whatever they were. I feel honoured by his decision to go to the weekend. I feel trusted and affirmed.
Did I say it’s also very gutsy of him? Coz it is. He has gone way out on a limb. He’s outside his comfort zone, and he’s more than a little scared about what might happen. And while I know that what he gets (or doesn’t get) on the weekend is in large part up to him, there’s a piece of me that wants him to have a smooth ride and comfortable landing.
What’s that about? Well, so happens that I brought another mate of mine to the last Sydney training and he bailed out halfway through the weekend. While part of me judged that his action to leave was cowardly and that he let himself down, another part took it as a big emotional hit. I felt sad; fearful; invalidated. I don’t want that to happen again but I know if it does there’ll be a learning opportunity in it for me.
One question is: why should my self worth have anything to do with anyone else? Another is: why would a 42 year old man (me) need affirmation from anyone else for his actions?
First thing I felt was unabated joy.
What was that about? I guess a part of me felt validated. A year ago I had an experience I judged to be an incredible gift and as a result I wanted other men I knew to go and get what I got. Because the content of the weekend is confidential, all I could really pass on was to say what happened for me inside; how the weekend and the men there had challenged and supported me to ask the hard questions, and to affirm my honest answers, whatever they were. I feel honoured by his decision to go to the weekend. I feel trusted and affirmed.
Did I say it’s also very gutsy of him? Coz it is. He has gone way out on a limb. He’s outside his comfort zone, and he’s more than a little scared about what might happen. And while I know that what he gets (or doesn’t get) on the weekend is in large part up to him, there’s a piece of me that wants him to have a smooth ride and comfortable landing.
What’s that about? Well, so happens that I brought another mate of mine to the last Sydney training and he bailed out halfway through the weekend. While part of me judged that his action to leave was cowardly and that he let himself down, another part took it as a big emotional hit. I felt sad; fearful; invalidated. I don’t want that to happen again but I know if it does there’ll be a learning opportunity in it for me.
One question is: why should my self worth have anything to do with anyone else? Another is: why would a 42 year old man (me) need affirmation from anyone else for his actions?
posted by everyman at 3:13 PM
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